A Day In Life Of... Chris Lowe!

(I know that, for example, Chris doesn't have a proper bathroom. Simply ignore the facts.)

***

Chris wakes up at 3 pm, complaining about the noise. The noise is being produced by three dogs that he owns, which he closed in the bathroom. Now they have already eaten the towels and soap, and they've drunk all the water from the toilet, they want more dog food.

Chris goes to the kitchen, where he makes himself some coffee. He finds the metal cans with dog food so he opens the bathroom door, quickly throws the cans inside and closes the door. The dogs have already discovered the way to fill the tub with water (so they could drink it) and turn the light on (which was really hard because the switch is outside the bathroom) so no doubt will they also discover the way to open the metal cans without the can opener.

Chris drinks the coffee and wonders what was his day schedule and where did he put it. After a quick search he finds it under the pile of clothes that has surprisingly grown in the corridor. It reads "10 am: the first play of the new single for EMI delegates from all over the world. BE THERE!!! 1 pm: the cocktail with Mitch Clark where you decide the title of the album. BE THERE!!! 2:30 pm: the radio interview with you. BE THERE!!! 4 pm: at least try to get to the meeting with Neil!!! 8 pm: dress up. 9:30 pm: leave and go to the disco." He shrugs, finding out that he's due for the meeting with Neil in fourty minutes. It is held at the restaurant to which he drives about thirty minutes with the London traffic.

Chris calls Neil, assuring him that yes, he is alive and no, he didn't forget the meeting and no, he wasn't on the EMI play-party and neither did he meet Mitch Clark. He says "Nope" when Neil asks him whether he has just woken up. The truth isn't the point.

Chris opens the bathroom door. The dogs run out, crying furiously. He opens the flat door and the dogs leave his life; not forever though, because their nature says that they have to come back even if their owner is every dog's bad dream. (Chris being the one; mother dogs tell their children that "if they won't eat the bone Chris Lowe will buy them.") He gets into the bathroom and wonders about the dog's shit in the toilet. Apparently they have learned to use the toilet; couldn't they learn cleaning it as well? It's amazing how much a dog will do if you lock him up in your bathroom. He recalls that his cat (that he owned for three weeks, before poor creature managed to escape through the window) wasn't even able to pick up the phone or prepare Chris a drink. Useless creatures, these cats.

Chris takes a bath, trying not to fall back asleep. He checks the time. It is now half past four. He calls Neil and tells him he might be a little late. Neil demands to know how much is 'a little'. A very little, replies Chris.

Chris listens to the new 12" single that he was given yesterday. It's quite good - he loves the lyric: "Aah Aah Aaah Aaaaaah Aaah Ah Ah Ah Aaah Aaah". He writes it on the paper, not to forget to tell Neil that they might cover the song. It is later that he discovers that the song was actually the new David Morales remix of "I Don't Know What You Want But It's Heavily Overpriced" - the Pet Shop Boys' new single.

Chris leaves home at five. He wears the baseball cap saying "SEX", a t-shirt saying "PERVERT" and the trousers with small lettering "HALF BAKED". It is what he considers a perfect outfit to wear for a meeting in the restaurant.

Chris is very surprised when Neil tells him that he's late. "I was sleeping" is Chris's excuse. Neil is not very amused with it.

Chris and Neil agree that in order to make the fans buy more copies of the single they should put out a cassette instead of the 12" with remixes. "You know," points Neil out, "only stupid geeks like you buy the 12" singles. The intelligent people, like me, hate them."

Chris wonders why. Neil replies: "Oh, the cassettes look better. Plus, this way we can release less material." This appeals to Chris. "Yeah! Rip the fans off! Marvellous!"

Chris leaves Neil in the restaurant at six; he goes back to his flat where he dresses up for the disco. The "disco disguise" is changing the jeans: from the Official Chris Lowe ones to the Unofficial Chris Lowe ones, with lettering on the back saying "DEMI MOORE WOULDN'T WEAR THIS". Now, being so perfectly dressed he leaves to the disco, where he stays until 6 am.

Chris gets home at 7 am. He discovers that the dogs apparently forgot to make his bed. Furiously he locks them in the shower and goes asleep on the unmade bed. The dogs, who got quite used to being locked in the shower, turn it in a McGyver way into the hifi stereo and hold a small party.